Darryl Ashton – Meet a Satirical Poet

Darryl Ashton is a stand-up comedy poet from right here in sunny Blackpool.

Since we first met Darryl earlier on in the year he’s been very busy writing poems about all kinds of subjects and he’s found a bit of fame with a very famous monkey!

PG Tips have been in the news for shrinking teabags and they got in touch with Darryl – there was even a namecheck for Live Blackpool in there too! PG Tips emailed:

“Here at PG tips we’ve been in the news for shrinking the amount of tea we are putting in our tea bags. We saw a very recent letter written by you – and published in a Preston newspaper. We also googled your name – and we saw all those brilliant poems that you’ve written – and are still writing (found right here on Live Blackpool)

“We would like to know if you would be interested in possibly writing for us two poems about our PG Tips product? And we would also like your permission to display your poems on our website? We are so very impressed with your poetic successes – especially concerning Elvis Presley. And you’ve also met the Queen of England. This is truly amazing. We did google many poets in hope of possibly recruiting them to write for us – you’re name came out ‘top of the list!’

“Would you please write two comedy poems about our PG Tips and be so very kind as to send them to us via e-mail? We really are so very impressed with your works – and in our own opinion – you should be writing a poem blog in several newspapers and entertaining the many UK readers.”

So here, my friends, I give you…

TOO MUCH MONKEY BUSINESS… WITH THOSE PG TIPS – TEA DRINKING CHIMPS

We are a group of chimps –
and we used to swing in
trees,
But now we are world famous –
by picking tea bag leaves.
We once lived in the jungle,
with Tarzan, as our friend,
But now we make tasty tea
bags – to start a new
drinking trend.

We always ate bananas – and
fooled around all day;
‘We really were mischievous –
all we did was play.
But someone spotted our
talent – and gave us TV
space,
How were we to know – tea
bags would bare our face?’

We were offered a new home –
and to appear on live TV,
Appearing on tea bag boxes –
created by PG!
Now we are superstars – and
we drink lots of PG tea,
Because as we do work very
hard – we get our tea for
free.

We carried pianos and created
havoc – and mainly had a ball,
But making those PG adverts –
we always were on call?
We sometimes had short breaks –
and we always liked to sit,
When a piano fell on my foot –
my friend said; ‘you have it son –
I’ll play it!’

We really were so very famous –
and we drank a lot of tea,
Sadly, as we were only chimps –
we didn’t get paid a fee.
But we drank lots of tea – and
we thoroughly had a ball,
Even being just three foot tall –
we actually felt six feet tall!

The nation loved us so much –
we really were super stars,
Making TV adverts – we could
have gone to mars!
PG Tips were great to us – they
looked after us so well,
But one day in the future – back
to the jungle – we would dwell?

The animal rights brigade,
would spoil our famous role,
So now we were back in the
jungle – hiding in a hole!
PG Tips had to let us go – as we
suffered minor TV fits,
But it really was a privilege – to
work for PG TIPS.

BY DARRYL ASHTON

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More about Darryl

He writes poems, poltical satire and humour, and enjoys performing them and interacting with people. Darryl says “I have suffered with depression – and, would you believe it – writing my poems really does help me to cope.” 

His poems have won several major competitions and he’s enjoyed reading them at various poetry groups on the Fylde Coast, at Blackpool, Cleveleys and Lytham.

Darryl does a lot of work for charity and once raised an incredible £50,000 for the Haiti Earthquake Disaster Appeal just by reading his own poems!

We might all have have a book in us, but unlike the majority of us Darryl has written and published one – poems and short works – with a second on the way shortly entitled “My Amazing World Of Poems…And Political Satire“.

We’ve published a couple of Darryl’s favourite poems here. He says “I particularly like the Aleksandr Orlov political poems – especially when he takes the role of a Meerkat MP!!”

He also likes the one titled ‘Blackpool On A Postage Stamp’.

If these poems light your fire, Darryl is available for appearances and after dinner speeches and also does stand up comedy.

“Put Victor Meldrew, Alf Garnett and Basil Fawlty all together – and you’ve got Darryl Ashton” he tells us, “but, don’t worry – I’m not a racist like the famous Alf Garnett!” he says to finish. 

ALEKSANDR ORLOV…FOUNDER OF MEERKAT EMPIRE

My name is Aleksandr Orlov,
founder of Meerkat.com,
And after a hard day’s work –
it’s good to come home.

My life is good as good – in
my Meerkat big mansion –
But I do have an assistant –
he’s old and he never listen!

We are always very busy –
as computermables we play,
But it is good to sit
comfortables, and have a
lazy day!

Meerkat manor is such a large
house – it is also very nice,
And every night I take a
splash – maybe once or twice!

I am lord of meerkat manor
it does sound very posh,
But every other weekend –
we like to play the squash!
I am the master – and I work
hard every day –
But recently I take on helper –
his name is servant’ Sergie.

We have returned from Africa –
and we saw our little cousins,
It was also very hot, I tell you –
I nearly lost my marbles!
Sergie is a good servant – he
really is so old,
But he plays computermables –
he just won’t be told!

We do have many hardships –
it really is no joke,
Once Sergie tried to swallow
a grub – oh he nearly choke!
Whatever happen we are as
one – I even had to beg –
But then we took in little baby
meerkat – her name is Baby Oleg.

Sergie does change nappy – he
loses lots of sleep –
Sergie also feeds Oleg – oh it
does so make me weep!
Oleg is so challenging – but I
sit and look,
While Sergie feels so down –
he also has to cook!

So now we plan a holiday –
to a seaside town so cool –
We are going the beach –
and the sea, in good old
little’ Blackpool.
While Sergie rides the
donkey’s – and Oleg chases seagulls,
I shall prim my fur – it’s so
Incredibly simples!

We like the very high tower –
Sergie is scared of heights;
‘But Baby Oleg is laughing –
laughs at Sergie’s tights!’
I myself, stay in the
ballroom – and claw around
the dance floor,
And when I do the Meerkat
Bop – everyone shouts… MORE!

Then I see Sergie – and he
comes to have a dance,
While Baby Oleg takes the
floor – she has to seize her chance!
Soon they are together –
and it is a pretty sight,
But just when the music
stops – and there is an awful fight.

We then decide to go home –
back to our luxury hotel,
But why is Sergie wetting his
fur – with sticky smelly gel?
We stay in posh hotel suite –
and order lots of grubs,
Because we Meerkats aren’t
allowed – to go in any pubs!

Oleg is wearing a cute little
hat – and eating her favourite jelly,
But Sergie has gained some
weight – he now has the skittle belly!
We all decide to hit the pleasure
beach – and to go on the scary rides,
But we cannot get anywhere
near, as the sea is now high tides!

So we take a lovely new tram
ride, and take a tour of the
illuminations –
There are lots of people all
smiling – doing their celebrations!
We are now all back home and
back to work computermables,
And if people ask us if we enjoyed
our holiday; ‘it was so incredibly simples!!!!’

BY
DARRYL ASHTON

BLACKPOOL IN THE 21st CENTURY

Blackpool has to move
forward and cater for
the families –
We tried the stag and
hen parties – but they
were just tragedies!

We are also known as
pink – maybe we are
the envy,
And we do have a lot
of gay bars – in which
there are plenty!

There are also three
exciting piers – which
are so full of fun,
Lots of free
entertainment – all
under the sun.

The lovely beach is
there for all – with
families having fun,
Children taking
donkey rides – and
enjoying the
springtime sun.

The tower stands so
very tall – it stands
so high and proud,
When you are at the
top – you can almost
touch a cloud!

Candy floss and toffee
apples – are what
Blackpool’s all about;
‘Eating fish and chips
and rock – listening to
children scream and
shout!’

The new super trams
are running well – as
the tram stops at
every stop,
And the boss of these
super trams – is Bryan
Lindop.

There’s fabulous free
entertainment in the
tower building;
‘Dancing in the ballroom –
to a waltz and rock n
roll swing!’

The tower has a new
dungeon – with zombies
out to get you –
But they are so very
friendly – they greet you –
that is true!

The promenade is ideal,
to see the sea and sand –
Sometime’s there is live
music – in the form of a
live band.

Exhibitions are also there,
you’ll take a breath of
wonder,
And as you sit down and
gaze around – you feel;
‘Blackpool is a charmer!’

There’s even the winter
gardens – and the historic
grand theatre,
Even the iconic Opera
House – you really have
to go there.

Blackpool now is changing –
it is looking such a treat,
Where weary walkers can
all sit down – and simply
rest their feet.

There is also the
Pleasure Beach –
with rides for you
and me;
‘But you have to
pay to enter – it
did used to be free.’

The sandcastle is
a water world – it
has slides that twist
and turn,
Sliding down into
the water – it can
make your bottom
burn!

Finally, the council –
they are planning
different ways;
‘To attract more and
more families – just like
the good old days!!’

We have some great
hotels – and also cosy
guest houses,
Where you can stay in
comfort – and never
see a crises.

We really love the Blackpool
of old – but now the council
is holding the new key;
‘So may the council proudly
present to us; ‘Blackpool in
the 21st century’

BY DARRYL ASHTON

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BLACKPOOL ON A POSTAGE STAMP

The new Blackpool stamps,
are now ready to appear,
Will it show the tower?
and the lovely pier?

It may show the clear
blue sea, where I used to paddle,
Even those lovely donkey
rides – sitting tall in the saddle?

A stamp saying; “Kiss me
Quick?” And “buy your ice creams here,?
Even a glass of beer – to
celebrate and cheer?

Candy floss too – and a
toffee apple.
Then to Madam Tussauds –
to see a waxworks sample?

Then the new promenade,
an attraction without doubt,
All you need are careful
drivers – to navigate the route?

Pedestrians too – where do
they cross the road?
Carrying all their shopping –
all their heavy load?

Even the Sea life centre, is
open to a stamp.
But do tread very carefully,
there’s sharks on the ramp!

The Golden Mile and Mr B’s,
all were once iconic,
But now the Blackpool we
all knew – is going supersonic!

The council too – they are good,
at digging up the roads,
Putting them all on a postage
stamp – and our council tax just
grows!

The Pleasure Beach is next –
and an entry fee,
Plonk them on a second class
stamp – they may want it for
free!

The Sandcastle too – a former
open air pool –
Put them on a postage stamp –
they’ll all look super cool!

Sliding down the water chutes
getting soaking wet –
You may end up on a postage
stamp – something you’ll
want to forget!

So here we go folks – the time
has come – to appear on a
postage stamp,

Even though you are still known;
‘to be home to a homeless
tramp!’

So Blackpool you are honoured –
to be glued on a letter or two –
But now I’ve seen the price of
you – I really can’t afford you!

Then suddenly, who should
appear? Her Majesty, the
Queen!

“Have you seen those stamps
of yours – they really do look
pristeen!”

“So Blackpool have now graced,
a royal stamp of mine,
Oh, I’m not having this – I need
a glass of wine!”

I need a ride on those trams,
said the Queen – they are all new to me –
I’ll put my feet up on the seats –
and have a cup of tea!

Where are those stamps I’ve
heard about – is it really true?
But now I have to make a call –
I really need the loo!

Well done to Blackpool – to
grace my honoured stamps –
Now I have enjoyed riding
on – those splendid fast new trams.

I enjoyed my time aboard –
and I drank a soda pop –
Then who should then appear –
a friendly…Bryan Lindop!